Next day, new mind, new chances. I was determined to at least let down a piece of my wall to him. He tried, and that’s all I really wanted. For someone to come along and persist on finding out more about me. To open up to them. Because I’ve bottled everything up. My feelings are so numb and frozen. I just won’t let them out. But I know, if I give him a chance, I’d feel better, I’d feel human. Alas, I see him by his locker, I call out for him, but he doesn’t see. He must’ve not heard me.
“Didn’t you hear me back there?”
He paused, he’s lying. Ouch.
“Listen, I’m sorry about yesterday, I didn’t mean to be so rude. Can we have another go?”
“Yeah, I’d like that. See you at lunch”
And off he went to his next lesson. I was literally counting the minutes till lunch. I don’t know why, but I was super excited for lunch. And not for the old, moldy and most definitely out of date lunch. Excited that someone was going to stay with me. That special someone. Oh and don’t get me wrong I love my one friend, but I feel like a burden when I’m with her. She’s got other friends, better ones.
DING! DING! DING!
And that annoying bell interrupted my thoughts. But for the first time in forever, I wasn’t so mad, I liked it! Man, I’m weird. I rushed past everyone and practically ran towards the oak tree. I sat down and quickly fixed my messy hair and placed it to the side. What? Wait, I never care about my appearance. And his tall body towered over me. I slowly lift my head and whisper a slight ‘hey’. Barely audible actually.
“Tell me your favorite book”
“Um, it’s The fault in our stars by John Green”
“It’s Hunger Games, Mocking Jay”
“It’s amazing, isn’t it?”
“I despise the entire series”
“Are you MAD woman?”
“Favorite place in the world?”
“Now, what kind of question is that?”
“Fine, I don’t have an exact place, but it’s got to be somewhere with lights, beautiful lights, somewhere quiet but you can still hear the busy streets, somewhere filled with memories and laughter. Somewhere far, definitely”
“Hmmmm, now, favorite animal”
“Okay, I am now lost, why are you asking me random questions?”
“Always kittens. Don’t even get me started on those adorable fur balls”
And I was an automatic tomato. I brushed it off, making it seem as if I hadn’t heard those words that I would repeat later, over and over.
“Do I get to ask some questions now?”
“Honestly, why are you trying?”
“Why are you trying so hard to get me to open up to you? Why did you lend me that pen that day? Why do you smile at me? Why do you try?”
“I watch you. Okay that’s a bad start, no that’s a terrible start. Okay. Your smile, that smile you gave me when I gave you my pen. I never stopped thinking about that smile, up to this day, who knew I could trade something so worthless, for something so remarkable”
“Wow. Okay, control yourself, he hasn’t finished yet.” I said it in my mind.
“I think your an absolutely amazing idiot. Your clumsiness. Your silliness. Your life interpretations. Your long speeches in class. The face you make when your gone to ‘dreamland’. You just seem so far away. You seem so happy. I want to be able to make you feel that way. Because that’s how I feel, watching you. You are so beautiful and it kills me that you think you aren’t, all because of those idiots that I have to call friends. I hate that they are the ones that made you build your walls so high, that no one could climb it. But I am going to try. Would you let me? Will you let me? Give me one chance, one night, to try?”
He lifts both my hands from the ground and places it in his own. By now, my stomach has erupted into tiny little butterflies, my mind has turned off and my heart is doing a million back flips, all at once. And things just got cornier. He took my hand and laid me down on the ground with him.
“If I lay here, would you lay with me and just forget the world?”
Speechless. That’s how I felt lying under that tree that day. Speechless.
“So you’re basically asking me out?”
“Way to kill the moment!”
“Yes, I would love that”
And we laid like that the entire day. Hand in hand, watching the clouds move on. We didn’t go to our lessons, we didn’t move and nobody spoke a word. Yet it was the perfect moment. I could hear his heart beating at a perfect rate. Every 10 minutes, I would feel his gaze stare down at me. It was so amazing. I’d never felt so at peace in my entire life. The whole world was just spinning around, everyone was getting on with their busy lives, and we laid down, and stopped. Stopped moving and just embraced the moment. It felt remarkable.