I remember that it hurt, Looking at him hurt. It hurt dreaming about all the possibilities, all the sweet kisses, and warm hugs. It hurt knowing that it was all just a Series of my imagination creating false hope for one single moment of happiness.
It was a warm, yet spine tickling day in autumn. October 21st. Just another ordinary day at school. Another word for hell. I had basic lessons, double drama, double RE, and double Chemistry. Except, they weren’t basic, they were painful. They all included him. My all I could think about person. We all have one of those, whether young or old, you meet someone and they seemed to have started paying rent in your mind. Period 1. Ms.Dargyte. 9:03 am. I’m always early to that lesson, mainly because I want to find a spot furthest away from him. I knew he’d distract me. But moving in the corner of the class didn’t stop him, he moved my feet and sat in the now empty chair.
That’s how it all started, from the very beginning. I still don’t know why he chose me, out of all females, he chose the outsider. The loner. The nerd. Me.
And then there was that question. Generally meaning someone asking how you are doing. It’s a quick question, maybe even a passing question. But something about the way he asked it, had me feeling a different way. So how do I answer him? How do I tell him what I feel sitting beside him. Then my brain erupts with thoughts, (I still haven’t answered him yet so bare with me) Tell him, you could live happily ever after , kiss him, no! Tell him your well, DO SOMETHING! And instead, I blankly nod towards the wall. How is he doing this? How is he controlling my thoughts and feelings, why is this happening? The rest of the conversation was just generally small talk, him asking about the play and our stupid 40% GCSE writing. Small talk, thats all it was, except, was it? I barely heard a word that fell out of his mouth, it was all just blank noise. I was too busy studying his features like it was part of my writing exam. I studied his hair, the way it looked as if he had spent hours making it look perfect but I knew he didn’t care. I watched his eyes change color as they do as his mood changes too. They’d go from a sweet, innocent, chocolate brown, to a dark, fearful black. Irresistible . And his lips, pink and full. Warm-looking.So kissable, so ju….
And I’m snapped back into reality.
“Where did you go?” “Dreamland?”
And that chuckle that I heard escape from his mouth was another one way ticket back to my imaginary home town. The rest of the lesson was the same as all the others. Extended. I’d catch him looking my way and I’d turn so fast, you would believe he was Medusa. I know i can’t look him in the eyes, it’s my kryptonite. I knew i’d just fall weak in the knees. Let me tell you now, I made it through that lesson alive. Barely. I still couldn’t seem to stop thinking about him. I was just constantly remembering his smile, his lips, and that chuckle. What’s wrong with me? Do opposites attract? I mean for starters, look at me! I am your typic nerd, whos always at the front of the class with her hand raised up the entire day. I basically have one friend and as a hobby, I like to be alone and read. Where as him, he is your typical bad boy, always getting into trouble and barely makes it through one class. As a hobby, he likes to smoke. But when he’s with me, he’s an entirely different person. He’s as sweet as an apple pie man could I kill for food right now. So I hop towards the canteen and order my favorite, chocolate muffin. That is the only reason you’d find me anywhere near the populars. Again, the typical people, gossiping, being loud and basically mean to anyone that isnt them.
“Excuse me miss! Excuse…” “Yeah uh”
“That’d be £1 please”
And as I was ready to pay, he appeared right beside me, already handing her the money.
“Here you go”
“Umm, … You didnt have to do that”
“I know, I wanted to”
“Do you want to sit next to me?”
“Um no, I’ll just sit outside”
“But its raini…”
And I literally sped walked towards the exit door, I could hear him calling after me. I couldn’t stay there, they were already staring at me. So the bad boy was right, it was raining crazy. It was a misty, sort of foggy rain, I liked it. I sat in my usual place, under a really old oak tree. It was quiet and peaceful, it was like being away from the entire school.
“Why are you here?”
“Don’t be like that”
“No seriously, why are you here?”
“You’re different, I like that”
Staring in my eyes, he let those simple yet soft words fall out of his mouth. And before I could comprehend the actual situation, he is staring me straight in the eyes and leaning towards me, I look down, not ready for what I think is about to happen. It felt like eternity waiting for it, but I guess dream land just lost cell phone service. And it came, except it wasn’t my first kiss, it was, I don’t even know. I felt warm, soft lips touch my freezing cheek, and it stayed warm for about 10 seconds and a while after. I kept my gaze stuck on the ground, trying to work it out. I slowly lift my head to meet his eyes. I quickly avert my gaze, and turn back to the ground, feeling my cheeks start to burn up.
“Um, sorry, I’m sorry, i just..”
“No, it’s alright”
I tried to smile, or what I think I formed on my face.
“So, um, what’s your deal?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why are you always out here, alone?”
“I like it. Your away. You remember your an individual, and your away, away with your thoughts”
He turned away from me and sat facing the fog, with a half smile placed on his face. He seemed almost satisfied with my answer.
“Aren’t I always”
He playfully shoved me away from him. It was cute.
“I mean, we are all so wrapped up in our society, worrying about other people, the future, not stopping to think. Think about the stresses and strings of life. Think about yourself. What is your place here? Do we have a purpose in life? Why are we breathing?”
And again, that sweet, deep chuckle that sent butterflies in my stomach, and my mind turn into a page of scribbles.
“Just kinda shocked that fell out of your mouth, your a dark horse aren’t you”
I was genuinely in shock. This guy just became 10x hotter. Who knew the baddest, toughest guy, had sincere thoughts.
“See, we aren’t so different now”
“Except, you’re still at the top of the hierarchy scale, you’re the most popular guy at school, boys are scared of you and girls worship you. We are from two completely different planets, miles and miles away from each other”
He quickly gets up from the floor and walks a couple of steps away from me.
“Why? Why is it so hard for you to just treat me like everyone else? Why won’t you just stop with this judging. I’m still human. Can’t you just treat me like one??!!”
With that, he was gone. I watched his figure disappear into the fog. He was lost behind masses and masses of fog. He’s right though isn’t he? I treated him so wrongly. He didn’t deserve that. I’ve just built my walls so high, I can’t seem to let them down. Not to anyone. But he’s put all this effort into trying, I’d be a horrible person if I didn’t give him a chance. One chance, whats’s the worst that could happen?!