I realised that these days I’m feeling bad. And I’m not talking about depression or sad, because I’m actually none of this. I’m not depressed or sad. I just feel like I can’t continue my life anymore. I’m stuck. Maybe lost. Most adults would be like “I think it’s normal for a teenager to feel this way”. Well, I don’t think so. I’m feeling very confused. About what I’m doing, what’s my future going to be like. Am I going to succeed? Am I going to be who I want to be? Every second I think about my future, it gives me a shake.
I am the type of person that see the empty part of the glass. I’m always focusing on the negative side.
“I had this test, but I’m definitely going to fail because I didn’t know anything”
I always think I’m not doing work. I’m not productive. I’m trying to, but it never works out. I become very lazy these days. The worst part is that I realise this and I know I should make a change, but I don’t. I actually try to get motivation from other people and watch motivational videos, and I’m not going to lie, this things actually works…….. for about ten minutes. And it’s not just this, but do you ever compare yourself with someone else? You look how many amazing things does this person achieved and then you look at yourself and realize your a couch potato.
I can’t even finish my film studies course work. I keep reschedule the day I’m actually going to watch the movie and analyse it.
When I try to speak with a friend, they always take it as a joke. They start making fun and be like “I’m exactly the same”. So this calm me down a little bit. But I know it’s not the same. I know they actually have a back-up plan. I’m just scared I will be end up being no one in this society. A random person that works 12 hours per day just to get some money.